Dominican women and black men

My recent admission that I was headed on a trip to the Dominican Republic prompted a familiar refrain among black women. “Why are you going over there?” “I read the article in Essence, so I know what you guys do over there.” “All black men want is sex, and it’s a shame they have to fly to another country to get it.” And on and on it went.

My first reaction was to throw the argument right back in their face by asking, “So why do black women go to Jamaica?” To me, the whole Dominican argument is a double standard if you’re going to run to another country and do the exact same thing. And it’s not like black women can deny it after placing it on the big screen, and turning Stella into some sort of national hero for “getting her groove back.”

But that type of back and forth argument gets old quick. So instead of engaging in it, I wanted to personally speak with the black American men on the island to get a clearer picture as to why they really traveled to the Dominican Republic. What I found was a group of men who found some basic qualities in the island women that they just weren’t getting at home. It was less about sex, and more about the mindset of the women. Below is a sampling of what they had to say.

“It’s a respect thing with me. Black women in America are so busy trying to compete with you that they have forgotten how to be wives and girlfriends. The women here in D.R. are a lot more mindful of that. They work hard to make sure that they are good to their men. I just don’t see that in American black women anymore, and when I do, they throw it in our face every five minutes.” ~Richard, engineer

“It’s simple for me; Dominican women live by a basic principle: do right by your man, because if you don’t, another woman will. I came down here on a trip with some buddies, and after I returned to New York, I broke up with my girlfriend. I was just tired of her pretending like she was really doing something in our relationship. The women down there were cooking, cleaning and doing whatever else they could to make their man happy. Meanwhile, I could count the number times on one hand that my girl had lifted a finger to clean up. That’s not me being sexist; that’s me recognizing that certain women in the world are going the extra mile to make sure their man is comfortable. As a man, if you want me to take care of certain things, then you have to do the same. Dominican women understand that.” ~ Cliff, photographer

“After working hard all day, I honestly don’t want to hear a lot of the talk that I have to hear from the black women that I deal with in the states. It’s always a conversation that I don’t really feel like having. In D.R., the women are more laid back, and they respect the sanctity of your manhood. They give you your space to be a man, and I respect that.” ~Lewis, attorney

**There’s so much that can be digested from their thoughts. So let’s not belabor the moment … Do the men have a point? Or are they just blowing smoke to justify their actions? Vote below and then join the discussion.

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